I am more involved with you at this point than I ever was as a "blogger." But my presence on this site? Zilch. It has been almost exactly a year since anything has happened here and before that, not a peep from me for almost another year prior. I have no excuse but here is a list of potential reasons.
- Emily & Barton had a falling out
- Emily & Barton made it official at civl union and are living happily ever after (the pictures were posted on MarthaStewart.com, NBD)
- We both lost our jobs and our computers then subsequently forgot how to type
- Our jobs have us locked to our desks only working on spreadsheets and have banned us from using the internet fooorrreeevver
- Everything on the internet sucks
- There was so much on the internet that our heads exploded
- The internet is a fantastic place but, in person conversations became much more important that a blog
Emily? Any other notes?
The inspiration surfaced - will it stick? In the last few weeks I've been the busiest I have ever been and also the most alone. Hospitals, family, work, events and the glimmer of hope of staying fit and healthy. As I waited for my 5th flight of 6 in two weeks I was overwhelmed with the resurgence of energy and the dread that I usually feel closer to November and December when I realize that, once again, I have not picked up a guitar to learn how to play it (I have a feeling it would be my savior) or made my dreams of bi-weekly surfing a reality (another potential saving grace). I wrote it all down, did a light "work-back" plan to make my dreams so and then it all quickly disappeared again in the drama of life. I am a big picture thinker - I love to plan and I love to understand. My life is force at this time is to decide-act-now-do-it-no-choice act-on-impulse.
Stuck on the runway on an airplane for an hour was heaven. No place to go, nowhere to be, no internet, no phone (except for the "OHMYGOD I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR THIS APPOINTMENT. FML." text) Focusing is a new struggle. Everything I do is fast paced and flashy. Once I realized that my forced media-less quarantine was a blessing I thanked whomever needed to be thanked (I think it was the stars, or the weather) and read.
A few pages deep and half-way down page 26, my mind wandered. Monkey brain as my yoga teachers would say. I acknowledged it, forgave myself then took it two pages back and re-read. Finally understanding Henry Miller's words as they appeared on paper among many pages infront of me. There were a few other quotes that can come later but that link should keep you entertained for the time being.
What was this morning's inspiration? J-Crew, obviously. A beautiful, online exclusive, out of my price range floral striped rash guard.
And some beautiful sunscreen.
I do not know what to tell you. Inspiration comes in all shapes and sizes. These two are symbols of sunshine, goals and freedom. I know that all of the above applies to my return to writing and this site and hopefully to continue past this one outpouring of self.
love you, mean it.
B
